fuckass dog
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| fuckass dog | |
|---|---|
|
the dog, 2023
| |
| conservation status | |
| least concern (thriving) | |
| scientific classification | |
| kingdom | animalia |
| phylum | chordata |
| class | mammalia |
| family | canidae |
| species | c. familiaris |
| status | fuckass |
| other | |
| known for | being fuckass |
| height | 58 cm |
| weight | more than 2024 |
| colour | brown, disputed[9] |
| years active | 2015–present |
| pet | [pet] |
| times pet | 0 |
the fuckass dog is a domestic dog of unclear breed. he has been described as fuckass since 2019[1][2]
the dog lives indoors. he is permitted in most rooms. the dog has been the subject of limited academic interest[3] and no veterinary concern[4]
as of september 2026 he is eleven years old. he does not know this
etymology [edit]
the term is first attested in march 2019[5]
the earliest recorded use took place in a kitchen. accounts of the incident differ. one account holds that the dog had done nothing[6]. a second account holds that the dog knew what he did[7]
the dog has declined to comment
description [edit]
the dog is brown. some sources[who?] describe him as tan. one source describes him as "a sort of colour"[9]
he is medium
appearance [edit]
the dog has four legs. this is typical for a dog
his ears are not the same. the left ear stands upright. the right ear has never stood upright. no cause has been identified[10]
he has a white patch on his chest. in photographs the patch appears in different places. this has not been explained
measurements [edit]
| parameter | value | notes |
|---|---|---|
| height | 58 cm | at the shoulder |
| length | unknown | he would not stay still |
| weight | more than 2024 | [11] |
| age | 11 | disputed |
| top speed | instant | observed indoors only |
| legs | 4 | typical |
| tail | yes | — |
behaviour [edit]
the dog is generally calm
between 21:38 and 21:45 he is not[12]. this occurs daily. it has occurred on holiday. it has occurred at the vet
he is capable of learning. he has chosen not to
diet [edit]
the dog is fed a commercially available dog food twice daily. he does not want it
he has additionally been observed eating:
- a sock
- a second sock
- a portion of a chair
- something from the garden that was not identified
- the remaining sock
he has never eaten a vegetable in the presence of a witness
recall [edit]
the dog does not come when called[13]
this has been observed in every recorded attempt (n = 412)[13]. the success rate is described in the literature as "zero"[14]
the dog is aware of his name[citation needed]. he responds to it in all situations except this one[15]
a 2023 study set out to determine whether the dog could not hear or would not listen. the study was inconclusive. the dog was present for the study
sleep [edit]
the dog sleeps between fourteen and sixteen hours a day[16]. he is tired
he prefers to sleep on furniture he is not permitted on. when removed, he returns. when removed again, he returns. this has continued since 2019
relationship with other animals [edit]
the dog is friendly toward:
- humans, all
- dogs, all
- the postman, conditionally
he is not friendly toward:
- one specific bin
the bin stands on a street he walks down on tuesdays. no incident involving the bin has ever been recorded. the bin has not changed
he has met a cat once. the cat won
in popular culture [edit]
the dog has not appeared in popular culture
in august 2024 he appeared in the background of a photograph taken at a wedding to which he was not invited[17]. the photograph has not been released
controversy [edit]
in 2021 the dog was involved in an incident at a park. accounts of the incident differ
the dog's position is that he was provoked. no evidence has been produced in support of this. no evidence has been produced against it
the matter is considered closed by all parties except the dog
see also [edit]
references [edit]
- ^ smith, g. (2019). "preliminary observations of a dog". journal of dogs. 4 (2): 11–14
- ^ "he is". retrieved 3 march 2020
- ^ the dog (2021). personal communication
- ^ veterinary records, 2019–2026. no entries
- ^ "on the origin of the term". etymological quarterly. 2022. p. 204
- ^ parker, m. (2020). the dog: a life. p. 4
- ^ parker, m. (2020). the dog: a life. p. 5. contradicts p. 4
- ^ "brown". colour index. 2021
- ^ anonymous (2023). untitled note. undated, unsigned, probably him
- ^ ear survey working group (2024). findings: inconclusive
- ^ he was weighed
- ^ "the 21:40 phenomenon". journal of dogs. 9 (1): 44–51
- ^ a b recall trials 1–412. unpublished
- ^ ibid. p. 412
- ^ "name recognition in a dog" (2022). he looked up
- ^ observed
- ^ wedding photograph, august 2024. not available. we have asked
external links [edit]
- official website (dead link)
- the dog at the open dog database (subscription required)
- the dog on a map (this is not him)